Today I went to see "The Longest Ride", and it really spoke to my heart. It's two love stories, really. The one that takes place in the present is between two unlikely candidates, the female a cultured intellectual scholarship recipient planning an art career in NYC, the male a talented bull rider. This love story is intertwined with the story of Ira and Ruth, a jewish couple married in the 1940s. Their stories collide when Luke and Sophia (the young couple) find Ira off the road in an accident after their first date. They rescue Ira and Sophia develops a friendship with him. In the end, it is Ira who brings them together after his death through an auction of the Levinstein's art. After Luke bids and wins a painting of Ira's wife by one of her students, the Levinstein's lawyer announces that it was stated in the will that whoever bid on and purchased the "least valuable" painting would inherit the entire collection since it was the most valuable to him as it reminded him of his beautiful, late wife, and the amazing person she was. In his letter, Ira states that while the collection is worth millions, he would give any of the paintings to hear his wife's voice again or see her smile. I lost it at that moment. I can't tell you how many times I have said that I would give anything to see you again, even if for a brief moment. I don't have anything worth millions, but it made me feel validated in some way to know that even someone with paintings worth millions would give them all up just to see or hear their beloved for another moment. Love is a transcendent emotion, one that unites us all.
Ira and Ruth had a long life together, albeit one that required sacrifice and wasn't necessarily easy. And still, Ira said how it wasn't enough. And that made me realize that even if we had ended up in a long term relationship, nothing would've been enough. Just some perspective there.
I am just doing the best I can everyday. It still socks me in the gut many days when I face how much I miss you. And then I struggle with guilt. Sometimes I feel parts of my heart wake up that want to love again and I feel guilty because I love you so dearly and don't want you to think that diminishes what we had.
It continues to be a struggle I navigate daily. I love you, and I'll be seeing you.
