Moving On

    I hate those words, but I feel like it's what is necessary. Tonight I went on a second date with a guy who is very genuine, sweet, and has real potential. We went to a release party at one of the local wineries, no more than .5 mile from your place. And I felt you there. Why? Were you there? Was I hoping you were there?

   I thought about the numerous conversations we had about this winery and the fact that some people thought they were terrible neighbors. Motorcycles kept going by and I thought about how many times you must've traveled the same route on your bike. I guess it would be hundreds, and yet, all it took was one split second on one day for someone to end your life.

    I thought about the ripple effect one life has. Your life was ended by someone and that ended so many of my dreams. And I am one small part of that picture. Then we've got your family and friends. And you touched so many lives, Nick.

   It's been a year since we reconnected. I remember our third date so vividly. "Hey. You want to do something later? I need to be near water!" I was in. I grew up on the Finger Lakes, so water is my krytoponite. We went out to the river in NT and walked and held hands. We talked about moms and dads, siblings, dogs, music, dreams. I remember the feeling in my heart when you grabbed my hand. It was electric. I just miss you so much.

   It comes and goes in waves now. I used to wake up EVERY day and think of you immediately. Now I don't. And that is sad, but also easier. I feel a lot of guilt lately. I feel guilty that I don't think of you as often and that I've started to move on. And I wonder, when I'm on dates, whether there will EVER be a moment that I look at him and accept him as he is and not wish, at some level, that he was you.

   "It's been a long day without you, my friend, and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again."

New Challenge

I found this journaling challenge on Pinterest. Journal Challenge

So here goes!

Five ways to win my heart:

1. Love my pups. Even if you don't. Make them a priority because they're one of mine. Love of animals =hot.

2. Work hard. At whatever you do. Give it your all at work, at home, and in the gym. Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, or don't do it!

3. Be real. Don't give me half of you. Let me see it all. Good days, bad days, and everything in between.

4. Don't quit. Quitters scare me. When the going gets tough, as it inevitably will, pull yourself up by the bootstraps, give me a big hug, and remind me that we're in this together. Emotional strength is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

5. Love my family and friends. Yes, they have annoying quirks. So do you, and I love you anyway. Invest in their lives. Ask about their kids and their pets. Love those around me and I'll love you even more.


I think I'm gonna like this challenge.