Maybe it's just me, and maybe people don't actually think this way....?
Jeff just left and maybe I am upset. Maybe it's the fact that it is 90 effing degrees outside. Maybe it's the fact that my mom is depressed, my grandma is 83 and can't care for herself, and my father has an unfair disease that he got as a result of a bad blood transfusion, and a drug company that cares about profits not people.
Here's a summary of the day. Wake up, have some breakfast, Jeff and I head to the marina. Get boat and head out. Best part of the day. I freaking love boats and lakes. Head back to marina, wait around for folks. Dad and Mom show up. Boat people are awesome and help us get a good spot so Dad can get on the boat. We get the boat out, relax, fish, swim, and tube. Can't complain about any of that.
Get dad back to the marina and he has to use the restroom. The poor man had soiled himself due to his numerous health problems and couldn't get off the toilet because of his condition. I had to go buy new drawers for him. He was too weak to shower. A walk that would take any of us 10 seconds takes 10 minutes for him. I can't imagine how exhausted he is all the time. A shower is tiring. It's no way to live, and it just bears down on me. I can't help him. His days are numbered. And the way the whole thing happened is just so damn unfair I can hardly stand it. That part of it reminds me of Nick's death. We get Dad off and into the car and are settling back into things when Grandma emerges from her room totally disoriented, stumbling around with signs of heat stroke. I help her out amidst cries from my mom that it's not heat stroke and she's normally disoriented. Then I ask if we can open the cabin which seems to trap heat and mom throws a fit. I've kind of had it with her. Half the time she mopes, half the time she bitches at me or criticizes. And then the other times, she's overly nice. I don't know what to do with her. Then Jeff had to leave and I almost cried wondering to myself what he must've been thinking about my crazy family and all of this.
I know it could be worse, and I don't want to sound like a whiner. But it really just hit me today. The reality of parents aging. The reality of being the adult who cares for them. It's exhausting-emotionally and physically. I was dad's physical anchor today, mom's emotional punching bag, Grandma's nurse, and Jeff's girlfriend. Damn. I love them all, but I am wiped.
