Ohmigosh you guys. I am ridiculous. I don't even know what to say. Shortly after Brandon and I broke up, Jeff and I reconnected. I had been feeling like I missed him (and missed out on him) back in December, and so I wrote Jeff a letter. I said that he was a man of God, and there were so many things I hadn't appreciated. All true. He loved it, and contacted me. I kept my distance and left it up to him. We started seeing each other again. It was casual. We never had a talk about what we were, but there was definite flirting, he was bringing me around his family again, and things were different.
Last week, there was even a blizzard. Legitimate, you guys. We missed several rehearsals and the musical still rocked! :) Alas, I digress. Anyway, he shoveled my driveway a couple times. I thought things were fine. I was dead wrong.
As of last weekend, he was at the NCAA tournament. I totally get it. You're at something that's akin to me being in NYC to see Hamilton, plus you have two days off; so I'm thinking this is why I'm not hearing much. It gets to be Saturday. Tournament is over. Still nothing. Sunday- nothing. Monday- nothing. So I text him Monday and ask if he knows why I haven't been in touch. To which he says: "I figured you have been busy with the play. Getting ready for that." And I said nothing because: a. you're dumb. b. Anything I say will come out mean at this point. 13 hours later- Was that not right? To which I say: No. I've been keeping my distance as I've been taking my lead from you. About an hour later- fair enough. I deserve that. Yeah, yeah you do, dude. And I say- "I genuinely don't think you're into this." 7 hours later- "Do you want the answer to this via text?" And I said No, I already know the answer in my heart. The answer is you're not, and you haven't known how to tell me. Ummm, can we talk for a minute about how I had to lead my own damn breakup? I mean, can we? What kind of man isn't courageous enough to say what he's really feeling? What kind of man allows the woman he loves to lead the breakup? And then I get this bullshit- This was not something that was easy. I hope you know that.
I CALL BULLSHIT. You legitimately thought I was the woman for you. You called your sister in law and took her to the gym at 5 am to talk with her about it. So how... in the span of days between you showing up to shovel my driveway, and a few days ago- do you decide that I am not the woman for you? I mean really? Is there someone else? What isn't being said? You're scared?
I'm just saying- how many of my alpha ladies out there have heard this one- he's not man enough for you... you're intimidating to him... etc, etc. At what point do we call bullshit? Because I'm there. What is it?
