Remember when we were kids and we thought that life would be so cool when we grew up? What were we thinking? I mean legitimately. We couldn't wait to do all the adult things and make the rules for ourselves. Now I'm pretty sure I'd give anything to go back to those days, provided I could return with the knowledge I have now.
I have been so tired and down lately. It's important for each of us to feel successful and needed in at least one area of our lives. Agreed? It's good to feel needed. It's good to feel like someone needs you, and that you're doing a job no one else could do in the way you're doing it. I finally figured out in the past week why I've been so down. It's because I don't feel successful or needed in any area of my life.
Work- I am in year two of music teaching. Do I enjoy it? Most days. Do I think I do a fantastic job? Meh. I think I do a good job. I think I work very hard. I think the kids mostly like me, but there's that nagging voice that says you weren't a music ed major and you're just parading. But truly, I am starting to get over that. I do feel like kids enjoy my class and learn something from it.
Hobbies- Usually I'd say I feel very successful with the group I sing in, but we are working with a guest conductor this fall, whose perfectionism makes me look like a slacker. I am perfectionistic to a fault but this guy truly makes me look like someone with 5 days left in their entire career. It's exhausting working for him, which has left me wondering if I make people in my life feel this way. Yikes.
Personal- Well that's just a joke. After my divorce eight + years ago, I still believed I would find someone, get remarried, and start a family. And here I am pushing 37. No, it's not the end of the world. Yes, there's hope. Yes, in many ways, being single is not a bad thing. But the reality is that it's very hard to "do life" on your own day in and day out. God didn't design us to live alone. I think the fact that over half of us based on the latest US Census live alone is a huge part of the cause of the upswing in depression in our country. We just weren't created to do life alone.
I found out that Jeff 2 is dating someone. I had a hunch, but it's way worse than I could have imagined. He's dating a woman with several children who doesn't work, has been separated from her drug dealer husband a little over a month, and has already met Landen. UGH. Talk about a lack of wisdom. Dude, what are you doing? He posted a picture of her today with some gross caption on social media. I know what he's doing. He did the same to me. He's made an idol out of her, which is laughable at best. I mean how does he seriously think this will work? It's none of my business, I keep reminding myself. He told me almost 7 months ago now that he wanted nothing to do with me. So why does this hurt so much? Why does it bother me so?
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